Bah Humbug

I am trying not to feel this way, but I do. I am in a rut and cannot seem to pull myself out. There are no signs of Christmas at our house. While everyone else talks of decorating, baking, putting up the tree, shopping, etc., there is none of that happening here! We are struggling financially and even though I know that is not what Christmas is all about; the shopping for gifts I mean. It is still depressing to know that I cannot even afford to go to the dollar store right now. It is depressing to know that I scheduled an appointment to get family pictures done and I might have to cancel because in all reality we cannot afford it. Christmas has just become another day on the calendar and that well is depressing. I think of it as work; putting up the tree is work, decorating is work, putting up the stockings is work. I usually put out our Christmas Cards, but I have not because well it is depressing. It reminds me of the fact that I cannot afford the stamps to send out any of my own. Nathan and Alex do not believe in Santa anymore and Abigail and Luke are too young to care, so that is depressing. I honestly don't even know if I want to teach Abigail and Luke to believe in Santa. I am trying to get in touch with the true meaning of Christmas, but that is not even helping. I think it is because I have always believed Christmas is about giving and well we cannot afford to give and that is depressing. My mom and dad are doing this www.christmasjars.com for Christmas next year and when I heard about it I thought, "I am a needy family right now!" I honestly felt like they should have been offering us some kind of help and not asking us if we wanted to help. That is depressing because I know there are families worse off then us, but we still have needs. Yes, we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in our stomachs (barely), but our bills are piling up, the food we have is from a food closet, and well he clothes are the same clothes we have had for years and years. It would be nice to be able to go grocery shopping, buy a new outfit for the kids, pay rent on time, etc. I am not trying to sound ungrateful or greedy, because I am neither of those, I am just well depressed and not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. So Bah Humbug!