This Fourth of July was very emotional for me. It started last Sunday at church when we celebrated our freedom; I have been set free from some pretty serious emotional scars all by the Grace of God. So the church service was filled with tears from me releasing all my new burdens to God. Then it went into our holiday celebration with my family. This was a different set of emotion; I was happy to spend the time with my family, yet at the same time a little sad because my older boys chose to stay at their dad's while Lloyd, the baby and I went somewhere else. I was also missing my baby brother who is fighting for our freedom. We did have a BBQ at my parent's house which was okay then Lloyd and I had planned on taking our family to our local mall to see the big firework show. Well, Nathan and Alex decided they would rather stay and set off fireworks, so we went without them. Lloyd, the baby and I really enjoyed ourselves! Luke was a trooper, he stayed awake to see a few of the fireworks, but before the grand finalie he was asleep. He loved the fireworks, he was pointing at them and just in awe of the experience. I just cannot believe that in just about 3 weeks my baby is going to 1! Today we spent a majority of the morning/afternoon outside in our front yard. We let the kids including Luke play in the sprinklers and just enjoyed the beautiful weather! We played catch and the boys got into a water ballon fight. Overall we had a great Fourth of July weekend!

I think I can Breathe

June was one of the most stressful months that we have had in a long time. I cannot even think back to everything that happened, but in a nutshell, it was my friend having surgury, issues with her family that poured over to me, boys going to camp then getting evacuated, another friend having marriage issues, and then to end the month a huge finacial error on my husband and I's part that wiped out our bank account! It is now July 2nd and I think that I can finally breathe; now if I could just get some sleep. I have been having a really hard time falling asleep at night and then once I do it seems that is when Luke decides to wake up. He has been really good only waking once sometimes twice and on really good nights he sleeps all night. For some reason last night we were up 3 times! Hopefully, I will beable to catch up on mysleep with my 4day weekend!

Emotions Running High

So without going into to much detail, I have a friend who right now is going through a separation from her husband. It is not a good situation and I am trying to be here for her as much as possible. She is staying with us right now and I have to say that it has been hard to see her go through this. The hardest part is that I have been in her shoes before and I know all to well exactly what she is going through, what she is feeling and what she is thinking! Only I have to bite my tongue because I cannot influence her to make any decisions or put words in her mouth. This is super hard for me because of my past and knowing what she is going through. I am emotional involved and that makes it hard. To top that all off I have issues of my own that are going on right now with my children. There is something going on with Alex right now and we cannot figure out what it is. In the last three to six months his behaviors have gotten worse. We thought we were having somewhat of a breakthrough with him right before that, but know we have been seeing old behaviors resurfacing and even some new behaviors arising. I am really at a loss for what to do. I am going to sign up for a parenting/anger management class and attend it with my friend. I think that this will help me and my family because I will admit that I have lost my temper and make decisions to yell and scream even when I try really hard not to. I can use some new tools because all mine seem to be broken or not working anymore. I will end this for now by saying that through all this Lloyd and I are growing closer and closer. He is the best husband and father a person could ever ask for. He is so supportive and understanding and I am so grateful to God that I have a healthy and happy marriage. I am going to continue to pray for our marriage and I am going to lift my friend and children up in prayer now because I feel that that is where the devil is lurking right now. SO I want to say LORD I lift my children up to you right now in the name of Jesus and I Pray peace over them lord, I pray that they are in alignment with your plan for them lord. I PRAY that they are in agreement with each other and with us as their parent’s lord. I bind any feelings of anger, resentment, or fear that are in them right now and I tell those feelings of fear, resentment and anger to go away right now in the name of Jesus! I want to speak life into them Lord and bring them up as responsible young men and respectful young men. I raise my friend up to you LORD and I Pray strength over her right now lord, I pray peace over her right now. I ask that you give her clarity oh lord of her situation lord and ask that you give her wisdom and power oh lord to take control of the situation that she is in. I bind all cruses of abuse that have been brought up against her oh lord in Jesus name I rebuke those curses right now and tell them to go away!!!!!! I lift my marriage up Lord and I ask that you continue to bless it lord and keep it sacred. I give you all the praise and glory oh lord for all the blessing and answered prayers that I have already received and I put all my trust and faith in you that all things will come to pass and turn out in you great will and plan the way that you wanted and planed them to be. AMEN!

Counting My Blessings

Our whole state is covered in fires right now. They are in the North, South, East and West. I am counting my blessing with these fires; my boys were evacuated from their Boy Scout camp yesterday afternoon (Tuesday). For about an hour I frantically was trying to find out where they were and if I needed to drive to Chico to get them. I was on the phone with the Red Cross, tried the Scout Master's number, called other moms and was finally connected with the Red Cross and given the information I needed. After finally figuring out the confussion of being told one thing by the Red Cross and a message passed to me third party from the Scout Master, it was decided that the boys were going to stay the night. They were scheduled to stay the night in Chico and come home Wednesday, but I got a call at 10pm Tuesday night saying they were back in Sacramento. I guess the troop voted and majority ruled to come home. They are now home and safe with us; other then a few minor material things that were left behind. I am just glad they are home.

You Reap What You Sow

So I erased my last blog about the boys being gone and not missing them because today they are coming home 4 days earlier then expected. They were evacuated from their Boy Scout Camp due to the fires. It was a procautionary evacuation and they are all safe, but I was and still am scared to death. I feel like such a bad mom for posting a blog joking that I did not miss them. I really did miss them and when I heard they were being evacuated I freaked out to say the least. I truely believe that you reap what you sow and I feel like this was a lesson to me to never ever ever take forgranted the blessings I have been given. I need to spend more time with my boys and enjoy them while they are here with me. If they are gone away for a trip or event I need to miss them and pray for their safety. Lesson Learned!

The cost to raise children

People always talk about how much a mother should make based on all the jobs she does just as a mommy. I believe it was somewhere in the $160,000 a year range if not more. What about the emotional cost and physical cost that it takes to raise children? On top of all that I take on with my own children, I seem to find myself taking on emotional connections with the children I teach (naturally) and also to my nieces and nephews and friend's children. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be compensated for my role as a mommy or an aunt! I get my rewards when I see them growing into well rounded teenagers, young children, or even just little infants/toddlers. In my opinion instead of putting a price on parenthood...it should be on one of those credit card commericals...PRICELESS!

Father's Day

I wrote a poem for Luke and also one for Lloyd. Lloyd has been a father long before Luke came about by accepting the responsibility of Nathan and Alex. He has tried so hard to build a relationship with them and does a fairly good job. I will never understand the complexity of being a step parent because I never had to experience that. I give him a lot of credit for sticking with it for these past 6 years! Here are the poems I wrote. The first one is for Luke's First birthday and the second one is the one I wrote for Lloyd for Father's Day!


Hide go seek; where is Luke, he likes to peek.
Sleeping with Bare Bear, being a cuddle bug;
Oh how everyone loves your hugs.
Mama and dada and Kitty too; words I say like ACHOO!
Fast as lightning when I crawl. I go faster when I see a ball.
I love my brothers they always make me laugh,
and don’t forget my bubble bath.
Playing tickle bug with my nana and
My favorite food is a banana.
Guy Guy in his hat always makes me smile
I will learn to say grandma in a while.
Stacking my rings; they fit on my toes,
Giving kisses on your nose.
Somersaults, slides and cars that go.
Waving bye bye and hello.
Feeding myself and my messy Goo,
Peek a boo and I see you!
I love outside it’s so much fun; I can’t
believe I’m almost one!




I watch every move you make.
I look forward to fishing on the lake.
You make me laugh when you chase me down the hall.
I can't wait 'til you teach me how to play ball.
I love it when we hang out "outside"
I love it when you catch me at the end of my slide.
You will always be my pride and joy!
I will always be your little boy!

Happy 1st Father's Day!