You are Invited: To my Pity Party!

I am feeling like such a failure tonight. A failure as a mom, as a wife, as a friend! Alex has been having serious behavior issues for about two weeks now. This is a new challenge for us because we took a leap of faith and have had him off medication for over a month. I do not want to put him back on medication, but I am at a loss for what to do with him. It is getting to the point that I don't even want to be around him. It takes every ounce of my being for me to even admit that I love him. I know this all sounds horrible, but it is hard to love someone that treats you with such disrespect and hate. I am praying for this situation more then ever and have even been praying with him every morning. I don't know what else to do! The household responsibilities are getting done slowly but surely. I have to choose one section of the house each day and work on it. I have been focusing on the Kitchen, but the bathrooms need to be done too! I just cannot do it all. I am so overwhelmed with everything! I want to work more to provide for our family but I cannot see it happening. I have to be home for the boys! We cannot afford to put them in any kind of after school program and Alex would probably get kicked out anyway. All my friends have left me except one, but she is busy with her life so we do not get to talk or hang out much. I MISS EVERYONE!! I am depressed and lonely. Yes, I have my husband and we are good. We just don't get a lot of time either with his work schedule. I try as hard as I can to be a good mom, a good wife and a good friend, but I feel like I am failing.