Silent But Deadly

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night with a burning sensation in you nose and you start thinking; was that me? Maybe it was the husband or the dog? LOL! I am just kidding. I am not referring to that kind of silent but deadly chemical warfare. I am referring to Prayer and the spiritual warfare that I have faced for the past three weeks.

I have been fasting from Facebook since the 9th and I am suppose to be praying too, but I haven't. I am just having such a hard time getting into prayer. I pray silently all the time; in my head. I know that this kind of prayer is not as effective as praying out loud. Like the for mentioned chemical warfare; I have been facing some serious spiritual warfare. I know how to pray out loud and when I am in a group or at church I have no problem with this. Doing it on my own is hard; I can't figure out why it is so hard to just open up my mouth and talk to my heavenly father. I am a talker, anyone reading this should know that. I would talk to the walls if they would listen and talk back. I know God is listening and I know he would answer. So why can't I just talk to him? Fasting from something is so easy! I can give up just about anything that is taking my time away from God, but what I do with that time is the important thing. The whole point of a fast is to give up what is taking your time away from God and use the time to focus on God. I haven't been doing that. Yes, I have been off Facebook, but I still have my computer on my lap and I am still on the Internet! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! Why am I so addicted? Yes, addicted!

I read an article recently about people saying they are addicted to things like working out, the internet and other non drug or alcohol related things. The person who wrote the article was saying that it is not addiction because when you don't do those things you do not go through the physical withdraws that you would when giving up drugs or alcohol. Physically shaking or sweating. The author of this article was saying that the need to do these activities is more of a compulsive obsession. So great now I have OCD! (Obsessive Computer using Disorder)! Just kidding, but not really.

Back to the praying subject. So, here I am struggling with this whole idea of prayer. Knowing how I am suppose to do it and knowing that I can do it at anytime, but I'm not. Is being silent deadly? I keep thinking is it so bad that I don't pray out loud. Maybe I just don't have the praying out loud relationship with God. Is that ok? Is my silent relationship good enough? With the occasional out loud prayers I speak in church or in groups sufficing for all the silent prayers I pray? What does the bible say about prayer? http://www.openbible.info/topics/praying_out_loud

I know we learned about it in church probably several times. Does the bible say we have to pray out loud all the time? My pastor, Pastor Christa, often refers to times when she would hide under the covers and pray. In this case we don’t have to be afraid to put our heads under the covers, but are we? Am I? No, I don’t!


It isn't a matter of what to pray either, trust me I have some issues to pray about (IE: the above mention of OCD, amongst other pressing issues). It's not that I don’t have anything to say to God, it is just that praying out loud does not come naturally to me. I know that if I don't know what to say I can just let the Holy Spirit guide me. There have actually been times when I prayed only in the Spirit! You see, I know the principles, I know that praying out loud is more effective, but I am not doing it!

I think I am just a person who needs accountability. I need a prayer partner. So, I am going to start journalling my prayers. I will probably do it on paper, but I might start a prayer blog? I am also recruiting prayer partners. Anyone who wants to pray out loud with me; in person or over the phone please let me know. You can comment here to let me know you are interested or email me at teacheroftwos@yahoo.com

I am ready to fight this spiritual war and stop being silent. I know if may not be physically killing me, but I know that spiritually I am dying on the inside!